


Kapitan Einhorn

by BarPurple



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, Humor, Sexual Humor, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7350574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is what happens when my best friend and I watch Marvel films and drink a few beers.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Kapitan Einhorn

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when my best friend and I watch Marvel films and drink a few beers.

He’d heard it a few times as they were taking out various Hydra cells. The odd nickname that the enemy had for him, he shrugged it off as nothing but nonsense. It made no sense to him or anyone else on the team until the last lot they captured. This particular group had known they were on the hit list, known they were going to be taken down within days. Instead of fighting, they’d resigning themselves to their fate and opted to take comfort in several bottles of tequila. Natasha pointed out to him afterwards that tequila was better at loosening tongues than torture; he took her word for it, if anyone knew that best ways to get information out of people it was Black Widow. It would have been nice if the file had been classified, but apparently embarrassment wasn’t a reason for a Top Secret stamp.

The fact it had taken Stark an hour to turn up and start commenting was surprising. It turned out later that Falcon disputed winning the bet with Natasha because she had inside information, (Peppa had declared a date day hence why Tony arrived later than Falcon’s bet of within twenty minutes of the file hitting the network). It surprised no one that Falcon backed down and paid up because, well Romanov.

Steve tried not to flinch when Tony strolled into Ops, but poker was never his strong suite.

“So, I hear the last of Hydra have a nickname for you. That’s interesting.”

Steve’s jaw clenched, “No it isn’t.”

Tony grinned and threw another handful of blueberries into his mouth.

“Now see I think it is interesting. Anything Hydra put effort into researching is interesting; I mean it has to be right? Know thy enemy and all that jazz.”

Steve shuffled the files on the desk for the fourth time; “It’s not interesting because it’s a worthless line of inquiry.”

“I don’t think it’s worthless. I’m interested in just how much of your square jawed good guy power comes from the fact you’ve never got laid. Thor’s hammer works on some undefinable level of worthiness, so you running on virgin power makes as much sense as anything else around here.”

Steve blushed. He knew he did. The whole of Ops knew he was blushing. People on the moon could probably tell he was blushing. He took a deep breath and tried to approach this calmly.

“There’s no evidence that Hydra spent any time researching anything about the effect of my private life on the Super Solider Serum. This was just a bunch of tired, drunk guys talking trash. Okay?”

Tony shrugged and swallowed his blueberries, “Sure thing Cap. But if the Avengers ever need to capture a unicorn, you’re on point.”

Steve ran a hand over his face as Stark strutted away. Natasha appeared at his elbow and said; “Want me to taze him?”

“No. No thank you, I doubt that would be good for his arc-heart.”

Natasha shrugged; “We’ll never know unless we try,” She’d gone a whole two steps before she turned on her heel and added; “Elaine in accounts.”

She gave him a wink and disappeared before he could respond. As Steve looked up everyone in Ops was industriously busy. He hung his head for a moment and then left for the gym, knowing full well that everyone would know about Tony’s unicorn comment within the hour.


End file.
